Invisible Circles/A New Dance
[This week's goal: two stories, under 1,000 words. Without quotes, I just made it. Yes, the blog has been quiet. I have lots of thoughts, but little time to transcribe them. I'll keep posting, a little bit at a time]
Invisible Circles
"Our course in life is a path we must take alone
No one can choose what to do,
Only you, so the sins we commit are the struggles within
There is no judge to decide what is right, what is wrong "
- After Forever, "Sins of Idealism"
"So for those who believe in this life,
Spin right on this circle-must be round
Every turn has its vortex,
You'll drown if nobody warns you
and shows you another circle of life"
- After Forever, "Life's Vortex"
In some ways, my life today looks a lot like it did 3-5 years ago. I'm in a place with significant uncommitted time, adding new pursuits, and more or less between solid community situations. I look at "Kenton's present life" and see some slow growth and definite future growth opportunities, but currently nothing earth-shattering. I have no current great intellectual/emotional struggle, just the everyday diligence of walking with God.
Other circumstantial factors also resemble past parts of my life. Due to some of the ways I'm spending my time lately, I'll be spending quite a bit of time in Greeley, which is reminiscent of my Aims/UNC IV days. The resemblance was only strengthened when I found out that many of my new swing-dancing friends have been in my life before in some fashion. (Of course, I was unaware of it at the time.)
This fall finds me heavily involved in swing dancing. The last time I've spent this much time with my feet moving was Spring 2010. I'm enjoying myself, but it still draws comparisons of "Last time, I was..."
I'm a little frustrated, honestly. Rather than seeing prominent tracks of the growth I know I've gone through, a cursory observation puts me back where I was. I know that's not true - I'm not who I used to be - I just sometimes wish it was more obvious. I guess that's the insidious part of growth - I'm used to who I am and take it for granted. Maybe I should be happy that I don't notice my "more mature" self as anything out of the ordinary.
The other, smaller part of my frustration stems from "looks the same doesn't mean _is_ the same". By that I mean, if my life looks the same as it did years ago, then it should be the same. If I were to go back a few years, there would be some things I'd like to do differently. However, to quote a Shift-ism, "You can't change the past. You can only change the future." I can't change the choices I'd like to make differently. Time hasn't actually reversed; it just appears that way.
In reality, my life only appears like a circle from one point of view. Stepping back and gaining some perspective shows the path to instead be a spiral, such as is shown by this animation. The animation is of an electron in a magnetic field, but the exact physics isn't important here.
What is important to observe, then? That the particle's overall travel is roughly along the direction of the field. In a similar way, my life may appear to circle, but actually spirals along the direction of God's will (which is what I've chosen to align my life). All that remains is to trust that I'm growing in the way He intends and that all will work out.
A New Dance
"This time, Lessa observed, there was no aura of fear. The youthful candidates were tense, yes, but not frightened out of their wits by the rocking, shattering eggs. When the ill-coordinated dragonets awkwardly stumbled, it seemed to Lessa that they deliberately looked around at the eager faces as though pre-Impressed, the youths either stepped to one side or eagerly advanced as a crooning dragonet made his choice. The Impressions were made quickly and with no accidents. All too soon, Lessa thought, the triumphant procession of stumbling dragons and proud new riders moved erratically out of the Hatching Ground to the barracks."
-Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey
Speaking of swing dancing and personal growth, my life is headed either for significantly expedited personal growth or a trainwreck. Either way, excitement is incumbent. "Wherefore such excitement?" you may ask. 'Tis indeed a fair question.
I mentioned above that I've committed to spending quite a bit of time on swing dancing this fall. For the next semester, I've joined a performance swing dance team. At the moment, I have some doubts on whether the "performance" part will be asked of me (I'm on a steep learning curve), but there's no philosophy quite like "go big or go home."
Part of being on a team means having a designated partner (no rotation). As the sole member of the team living south of 120th Ave and typically one of the "last picked" for many things, I was wondering the partner choosing would work. Like McCaffrey's first description of dragon Impression, there could have been blood and distress. (Yeah, I've been reading sci-fi lately; what of it?)
I'd danced with Emily before with hands and arms and feet and pulse and all those swingy-type things. However, when she approached me about being partners, I found myself again in a dance, but this time one of words and ideas, expectations set and behaviors forecasted. While unexpected, it does make sense. If I accepted, we'd be spending a lot of time together in quick-paced learning environments and situations with high pressure to perform. Without clear expectations and continual good communication, it would quickly degenerate into frustration for both of us. Her expectations are really high - I didn't plan on competing at all this year, let alone as a couple (which in my head seems harder than as part a team). Although high, they seemed almost attainable, so I said I'd be willing to give it a go.
For the first time in a long time, my success is largely dependent on someone else. Even more sobering is the converse- her success at DSP partly relies on me too. I'm going to have to toe the line to catch up and stay ahead of the curve. Dancing is not in my intuitive natural gift set. After a couple weeks of practice, though, I think the arrangement will work out well. In fact, I'm not sure I could have fallen into a better one. Any worry or fear around "starting off on the right foot", etc. is non-existent, like Lessa's Impression quoted above - it's as if it's "supposed to be", leastways for now.
Now it is time for practicing and learning in earnest. A new dance indeed; improving my dancing skills, communication skills, and all that interpersonal stuff can't be bad.
Invisible Circles
"Our course in life is a path we must take alone
No one can choose what to do,
Only you, so the sins we commit are the struggles within
There is no judge to decide what is right, what is wrong "
- After Forever, "Sins of Idealism"
"So for those who believe in this life,
Spin right on this circle-must be round
Every turn has its vortex,
You'll drown if nobody warns you
and shows you another circle of life"
- After Forever, "Life's Vortex"
In some ways, my life today looks a lot like it did 3-5 years ago. I'm in a place with significant uncommitted time, adding new pursuits, and more or less between solid community situations. I look at "Kenton's present life" and see some slow growth and definite future growth opportunities, but currently nothing earth-shattering. I have no current great intellectual/emotional struggle, just the everyday diligence of walking with God.
Other circumstantial factors also resemble past parts of my life. Due to some of the ways I'm spending my time lately, I'll be spending quite a bit of time in Greeley, which is reminiscent of my Aims/UNC IV days. The resemblance was only strengthened when I found out that many of my new swing-dancing friends have been in my life before in some fashion. (Of course, I was unaware of it at the time.)
This fall finds me heavily involved in swing dancing. The last time I've spent this much time with my feet moving was Spring 2010. I'm enjoying myself, but it still draws comparisons of "Last time, I was..."
I'm a little frustrated, honestly. Rather than seeing prominent tracks of the growth I know I've gone through, a cursory observation puts me back where I was. I know that's not true - I'm not who I used to be - I just sometimes wish it was more obvious. I guess that's the insidious part of growth - I'm used to who I am and take it for granted. Maybe I should be happy that I don't notice my "more mature" self as anything out of the ordinary.
The other, smaller part of my frustration stems from "looks the same doesn't mean _is_ the same". By that I mean, if my life looks the same as it did years ago, then it should be the same. If I were to go back a few years, there would be some things I'd like to do differently. However, to quote a Shift-ism, "You can't change the past. You can only change the future." I can't change the choices I'd like to make differently. Time hasn't actually reversed; it just appears that way.
In reality, my life only appears like a circle from one point of view. Stepping back and gaining some perspective shows the path to instead be a spiral, such as is shown by this animation. The animation is of an electron in a magnetic field, but the exact physics isn't important here.
What is important to observe, then? That the particle's overall travel is roughly along the direction of the field. In a similar way, my life may appear to circle, but actually spirals along the direction of God's will (which is what I've chosen to align my life). All that remains is to trust that I'm growing in the way He intends and that all will work out.
A New Dance
"This time, Lessa observed, there was no aura of fear. The youthful candidates were tense, yes, but not frightened out of their wits by the rocking, shattering eggs. When the ill-coordinated dragonets awkwardly stumbled, it seemed to Lessa that they deliberately looked around at the eager faces as though pre-Impressed, the youths either stepped to one side or eagerly advanced as a crooning dragonet made his choice. The Impressions were made quickly and with no accidents. All too soon, Lessa thought, the triumphant procession of stumbling dragons and proud new riders moved erratically out of the Hatching Ground to the barracks."
-Dragonflight, Anne McCaffrey
Speaking of swing dancing and personal growth, my life is headed either for significantly expedited personal growth or a trainwreck. Either way, excitement is incumbent. "Wherefore such excitement?" you may ask. 'Tis indeed a fair question.
I mentioned above that I've committed to spending quite a bit of time on swing dancing this fall. For the next semester, I've joined a performance swing dance team. At the moment, I have some doubts on whether the "performance" part will be asked of me (I'm on a steep learning curve), but there's no philosophy quite like "go big or go home."
Part of being on a team means having a designated partner (no rotation). As the sole member of the team living south of 120th Ave and typically one of the "last picked" for many things, I was wondering the partner choosing would work. Like McCaffrey's first description of dragon Impression, there could have been blood and distress. (Yeah, I've been reading sci-fi lately; what of it?)
I'd danced with Emily before with hands and arms and feet and pulse and all those swingy-type things. However, when she approached me about being partners, I found myself again in a dance, but this time one of words and ideas, expectations set and behaviors forecasted. While unexpected, it does make sense. If I accepted, we'd be spending a lot of time together in quick-paced learning environments and situations with high pressure to perform. Without clear expectations and continual good communication, it would quickly degenerate into frustration for both of us. Her expectations are really high - I didn't plan on competing at all this year, let alone as a couple (which in my head seems harder than as part a team). Although high, they seemed almost attainable, so I said I'd be willing to give it a go.
For the first time in a long time, my success is largely dependent on someone else. Even more sobering is the converse- her success at DSP partly relies on me too. I'm going to have to toe the line to catch up and stay ahead of the curve. Dancing is not in my intuitive natural gift set. After a couple weeks of practice, though, I think the arrangement will work out well. In fact, I'm not sure I could have fallen into a better one. Any worry or fear around "starting off on the right foot", etc. is non-existent, like Lessa's Impression quoted above - it's as if it's "supposed to be", leastways for now.
Now it is time for practicing and learning in earnest. A new dance indeed; improving my dancing skills, communication skills, and all that interpersonal stuff can't be bad.
posted by The student of life at 9:54 PM
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