Snow

[As explained previously, I have a bit of a backlog of half-complete posts from this past spring/summer.  This was written in early May.  Interesting perspective looking back.  The darkness (part 2) comes and goes, but is mostly a light grey.  As to being jealous of the opportunities others take (part 1), well, I'm definitely taking advantage of more of the chances I get these days...  Mediocre results, maybe, but nonzero results.]

Snow, Part 1

Colorado has been experiencing some slightly unseasonable snowstorms, dropping enough snow to make the roads slightly "exciting" on random nights.  This fact combined with some variable work hours means that I've had the "opportunity" to experience wildly varying commute conditions.

One night, I was coming home from work in the wee hrs of the morning and noticed some bizarre tracks in the snow lying on one of the back roads on my route.  The road was icy enough that I was cautiously driving under the speed limit, but not enough to significantly worry me.  The tracks weren't straight or turning as I might expect, or even the slowly-veering, acutely-ending tracks of an arrested skid. Instead, it was the intertwined pairs of sinuous, snakey tracks that spoke of continuous skid; a car yawing one way then the other.  At first, I felt sorry for them - the tracks told a tale of a drive barely in control, certainly more exciting than I would wish for.  At least, that was what it looked like until I caught up to the car leaving said tracks.

Another car was keeping pace slightly ahead of me when we found them.  The car leaving snake-like tracks was purposefully prolonging their skid indefinitely.  As a rear-wheel-drive vehicle, it's easy to add just a little extra accelerator to break the tires loose, then hold it to keep the friction near zero.

At first I was a little angry at the other driver, but I wasn't at all sure why.  Was I angry at them for inconveniencing me?  No, they were way ahead of me on an otherwise empty road for a long time.  Was I annoyed at their apparent irresponsibility?  Not really, as it only became irresponsible once there were other cars around.  When I caught up, the skidding stopped, so they returned to acting responsibly.

Maybe it was the anger of "wish I had thought of that".  Maybe I was disappointed I hadn't thought of such a thing or that I felt too straitlaced to follow through on an apparently risky idea.  Maybe it was anger rooted in sour grapes - envious that they apparently felt so free while I felt boxed in.

One of my friends and I were discussing life dreams and opportunities the other day.  I was waxing slightly wistful that I had missed some of the opportunities in my life int he name of being responsible.  whether it was during college or flight school or whatever, a common theme was that I had passed over stuff because I felt I had to be the responsible one.  I sign up for the long-term at the expense of the short term, which often becomes ironically shortsighted and narrow minded.  It's been all the way until this year that I've finally started pursuing some shorter-term opportunities at the cost of unrealized long-term expectations.

Maybe I shoulda e-braked my car all the way down Kipling.  Who knows, it  might have been an interesting adventure. :-)

Snow, Part 2

Wednesday was May 1st.  In typical tradition for this spring, it snowed.  Again.  people are starting to complain.  personally, I'm a little tired of it.  In April, i understand that we need the moisture and I'll sure trade snow now for less fires this summer.  In May, it just seems silly.

This week has been an interesting week.  It's been a contrast of times spent close to people and feeling far away, elation to dismay and confusion.  One friend's Facebook post pointed out that the sky is always bluer after a storm, as if the snow flushes out all that was polluting its beauty.  I suppose my usual perspective is that variety is good and Colorado provides plenty of that.

This week's snow, though, was big heavy flakes, driven on the wind.  instead of refreshing and variety, it felt insulating.  Isolating.  Numbing.  Cold.  what should be warm in this season is instead cold and dreary.  Some of my friendships feel like they're drifting from warm and cheery to cold and dreary.  No flowers from spring showers here, just slippery going and grey skies.