Almost There, D-Checks, Refit, and Other Thoughts
Although I greatly like Lifehouse's song “Storm”, I want to reiterate that I wasn't talking about that kind of storm in my last entry. Although my life seems in a storm, it's not the “almost drowning” kind of storm, it's the “so thankful for rain” kind of storm. I'm really OK with it, even though it's occasionally turbulent. Have you ever stood at the window and just watched the lightning? Yeah, it's kind of like that.
My perception of my life continues to change. After the breakup, it seemed like a salvage operation was all that was possible in my life; picking up the few usable parts and leaving the wreckage. After a while, I wished for a restoration or refurbishment – to make the broken parts like new again. I don't really think life works that way. Time is unidirectional and there's never any going back. Therefore, I then hoped for a repair. I hoped that God could weld some patches over the holes and that my life would become “serviceable” again.
Tuesday on my run, it became obvious that God is instead in the process of a re-fit. I'm more familiar with the term applied to naval ships. After a while, ships are brought into dry-dock and gone over. Broken things are fixed and accumulated wear remedied. Also, though, new equipment is installed. Maybe a weapons system had been improved while it was on its journey, or a solution found to a systematic problem. Overall, the key phrase that God spoke to me was “new capability”, that He was working to do a new work in my life rather than rewinding the clock of my life.
My church recently moved to a new building, simultaneously beginning a new sermon series. The new building was understandably a significant change, with double the seating, altered service times, and rearranged facilities. Jim's new series was called “So Far, So Good” and highlighted the progress of the church and the grave importance of “keeping the main things the main things” as we move forward. The next six weeks covered major theological holdings of Flatirons and how each applied to our life.
The first sermon focused on Peter walking on the water. Everybody gets on Peter's case. “All he had to do was focus on Jesus. Duh! Anyone smarter than the average bear could do that.” But think about it. In the entire history of the world, how many people have walked on water? Two. Jesus and Peter. Yeah, Peter's faith wasn't perfect, but whose is? Peter DID have the faith to get out of the boat and walk to Jesus. Do you think Jesus was sad that Peter started sinking? Jim postulated that Jesus may have been happy that Peter trusted Him enough just to try.
There are parallels to my ended dating relationship. Initially, all I saw was the water closing over my head after the boat left. “Jesus, why am I drowning? Why is my 'relationship lake' always stormy?” However, that's not the whole truth. If all I focus on was “woulda coulda shoulda”, or worse, someone else's “woulda coulda shoulda”, then I'll have missed the point. The point is that Jesus is happy for the experience I had and what I learned through it. He's sad that I was hurt but happy that I would even reach out. It's not about “dumb so-and-so did thus-and-such”, it's about “Oh man, you almost made it. Next time you'll make it for sure.” Jim offered the analogy of a little kid learning to ride their bike. The parent puts their hand on the seat to get them started, then lets them go. The kid does OK for a while, then spills on the ground. Does the parent say “Stupid kid, just ride better next time!”? Of course not. They pick the kid up, brush them off, and say “That was so much farther than last time! Next time you'll get even farther!” Just my thinking. Not “Darn, another failure”, but “Almost there! Keep trying!”
For the record, I'm not convinced that the next girl I date in my life is “the one I'll marry.” I think that's a big pile of expectations to hand somebody and an unhealthy way to consider entering any big-R Relationship. I'm not saying “is”, I'm not saying “isn't”. I'm saying I'm following God, walking with one hand in His, and listening to His opinion.
When I was an aviation student, we learned that airlines handled maintenance on what's termed a “progressive” schedule. Tasks were separated based on required frequency into A- through D-checks. A-checks might be nightly to weekly, checking fluid levels, tire pressures and such minor things. D-checks were major overhauls, taking the airplane almost down to the bare body and inspecting and/or repairing many items.
God has been digging pretty deep in my life as of late, deeper than just the remains of my relationship with Mary. It's been a bit of a puzzle to figure out why the depth of my healing is greater than the hurt I had felt. This isn't an A-check time in my life; at least I hope not because the process hurt a lot at the beginning. I hope I'm not to go through this very often. Yet, this doesn't seem like a D-check, bare-bones rebuilding of my life either. I've been through that before, and that was different.
My theory is that someone has to hit rock bottom in their life or close thereto to trigger a “D-check rebuild”. Step 1 in AA, Celebrate Recovery, or any similar program is
“We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable”.
At that point, it's pretty reasonable to look for something bigger than yourself to pull you out, which means deep-seated changes. While my life is hurt and I'm seeking God in an effort to fix it, I don't see myself as having hit rock bottom. As I mentioned, I've seen that and been there in my life. It wasn't pretty, but I'm not that man any more. Even in the dark points of my current journey, I've retained more faith and general well-being.
Instead, this feels like a C-check/dry-dock refit. Significant work, but not from a stripped-bare frame of a life.
Dry dock was an interesting metaphor to explore further. Ships aren't made to sit in a metal box. They're made to sail the world! God told me “I didn't make you for this. I didn't make you to sit in your hurt and 'heal' forever. I made you for great and amazing things and I'll get you there. You're just not ready yet.” I keep wanting to hurry God, urging Him to point me in the direction my life should go once again. He gently repeats to me, “Wait, child, wait. All things in good time.” And He's right and I know it, but I still bridle sometimes. “How long, God?” and such.
If this entry seems incomplete, it's because it is. The entry is incomplete like the work in my life is incomplete. I have some ideas on where it goes next, and I'm holding those because they might work out well with some more time, thought, and energy. In the meantime, I know that God is leading me down the path that He intends for me to travel.
Thoughts, comments, questions? Has God rebuilt your life from the bottom up and what triggered that for you?
My perception of my life continues to change. After the breakup, it seemed like a salvage operation was all that was possible in my life; picking up the few usable parts and leaving the wreckage. After a while, I wished for a restoration or refurbishment – to make the broken parts like new again. I don't really think life works that way. Time is unidirectional and there's never any going back. Therefore, I then hoped for a repair. I hoped that God could weld some patches over the holes and that my life would become “serviceable” again.
Tuesday on my run, it became obvious that God is instead in the process of a re-fit. I'm more familiar with the term applied to naval ships. After a while, ships are brought into dry-dock and gone over. Broken things are fixed and accumulated wear remedied. Also, though, new equipment is installed. Maybe a weapons system had been improved while it was on its journey, or a solution found to a systematic problem. Overall, the key phrase that God spoke to me was “new capability”, that He was working to do a new work in my life rather than rewinding the clock of my life.
My church recently moved to a new building, simultaneously beginning a new sermon series. The new building was understandably a significant change, with double the seating, altered service times, and rearranged facilities. Jim's new series was called “So Far, So Good” and highlighted the progress of the church and the grave importance of “keeping the main things the main things” as we move forward. The next six weeks covered major theological holdings of Flatirons and how each applied to our life.
The first sermon focused on Peter walking on the water. Everybody gets on Peter's case. “All he had to do was focus on Jesus. Duh! Anyone smarter than the average bear could do that.” But think about it. In the entire history of the world, how many people have walked on water? Two. Jesus and Peter. Yeah, Peter's faith wasn't perfect, but whose is? Peter DID have the faith to get out of the boat and walk to Jesus. Do you think Jesus was sad that Peter started sinking? Jim postulated that Jesus may have been happy that Peter trusted Him enough just to try.
There are parallels to my ended dating relationship. Initially, all I saw was the water closing over my head after the boat left. “Jesus, why am I drowning? Why is my 'relationship lake' always stormy?” However, that's not the whole truth. If all I focus on was “woulda coulda shoulda”, or worse, someone else's “woulda coulda shoulda”, then I'll have missed the point. The point is that Jesus is happy for the experience I had and what I learned through it. He's sad that I was hurt but happy that I would even reach out. It's not about “dumb so-and-so did thus-and-such”, it's about “Oh man, you almost made it. Next time you'll make it for sure.” Jim offered the analogy of a little kid learning to ride their bike. The parent puts their hand on the seat to get them started, then lets them go. The kid does OK for a while, then spills on the ground. Does the parent say “Stupid kid, just ride better next time!”? Of course not. They pick the kid up, brush them off, and say “That was so much farther than last time! Next time you'll get even farther!” Just my thinking. Not “Darn, another failure”, but “Almost there! Keep trying!”
For the record, I'm not convinced that the next girl I date in my life is “the one I'll marry.” I think that's a big pile of expectations to hand somebody and an unhealthy way to consider entering any big-R Relationship. I'm not saying “is”, I'm not saying “isn't”. I'm saying I'm following God, walking with one hand in His, and listening to His opinion.
When I was an aviation student, we learned that airlines handled maintenance on what's termed a “progressive” schedule. Tasks were separated based on required frequency into A- through D-checks. A-checks might be nightly to weekly, checking fluid levels, tire pressures and such minor things. D-checks were major overhauls, taking the airplane almost down to the bare body and inspecting and/or repairing many items.
God has been digging pretty deep in my life as of late, deeper than just the remains of my relationship with Mary. It's been a bit of a puzzle to figure out why the depth of my healing is greater than the hurt I had felt. This isn't an A-check time in my life; at least I hope not because the process hurt a lot at the beginning. I hope I'm not to go through this very often. Yet, this doesn't seem like a D-check, bare-bones rebuilding of my life either. I've been through that before, and that was different.
My theory is that someone has to hit rock bottom in their life or close thereto to trigger a “D-check rebuild”. Step 1 in AA, Celebrate Recovery, or any similar program is
“We admitted we were powerless over our addiction - that our lives had become unmanageable”.
At that point, it's pretty reasonable to look for something bigger than yourself to pull you out, which means deep-seated changes. While my life is hurt and I'm seeking God in an effort to fix it, I don't see myself as having hit rock bottom. As I mentioned, I've seen that and been there in my life. It wasn't pretty, but I'm not that man any more. Even in the dark points of my current journey, I've retained more faith and general well-being.
Instead, this feels like a C-check/dry-dock refit. Significant work, but not from a stripped-bare frame of a life.
Dry dock was an interesting metaphor to explore further. Ships aren't made to sit in a metal box. They're made to sail the world! God told me “I didn't make you for this. I didn't make you to sit in your hurt and 'heal' forever. I made you for great and amazing things and I'll get you there. You're just not ready yet.” I keep wanting to hurry God, urging Him to point me in the direction my life should go once again. He gently repeats to me, “Wait, child, wait. All things in good time.” And He's right and I know it, but I still bridle sometimes. “How long, God?” and such.
If this entry seems incomplete, it's because it is. The entry is incomplete like the work in my life is incomplete. I have some ideas on where it goes next, and I'm holding those because they might work out well with some more time, thought, and energy. In the meantime, I know that God is leading me down the path that He intends for me to travel.
Thoughts, comments, questions? Has God rebuilt your life from the bottom up and what triggered that for you?
posted by The student of life at 12:49 AM
2 Comments:
I love the part about Peter. I always seem to focus on the failures and "falling into the water" aspects of my life without thinking on the "well, at least I tried. Next time I might go a little farther". That requires a certain amount of faith and patience that I don't have often, though.
I love this part: Dry dock was an interesting metaphor to explore further. Ships aren't made to sit in a metal box. They're made to sail the world! God told me “I didn't make you for this. I didn't make you to sit in your hurt and 'heal' forever. I made you for great and amazing things and I'll get you there. You're just not ready yet.” It reminds me of you writing about how God is definitely in the resurrection business but we aren't to sit at the grave site waiting,but we are to get on with living. I also like the part about Peter. I too heard a preaching on this recently and how Peter actually got to to touch Jesus' hand...he took steps of faith that brought him closer to Jesus than anyone else who stayed in the boat!
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