All is Grace
"How much easier it is to edit a book than edit a life!"
- Philip Yancey, foreword to All Is Grace
"And I don't know if I can do it"
- R.E.M., Losing My Religion
I admit that the blog has been quiet and I've gotten out of practice of writing. The past week has been a week off of work, intended to clear the to-do list and recover a sense of perspective. Thus far, I have rather succeeded at this purpose - so here's writing!
Thursday started with a strange mélange of music in my head. Megadeth's A Tout Le Monde, Within Temptation's Utopia, and R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion would seem to have nothing in common. However, I started illustrating my mental state using lyrics drawn from each:
I was in a rather odd place. Equal parts dismal, content, and hopeless. Borrowing from Within Temptation, why does everything perfect have to sour? Why does all the "try, cry, fly" end as a dream? And why do our lives seem to accomplish little?
I didn't have any answers to any of these questions.
For Easter, I received a copy of Brennan Manning's memoirs, "All Is Grace". Although the book has taken a couple car trips where I meant to read it, I'd never actually cracked it open. Since reading is an activity I don't often get to partake in and the week has been a time for "catching up on things I'm usually too busy for", Thursday spontaneously seemed like a good day to read about Mr. Manning.
Manning's writing style intrigues me. In his memoirs even more than in his theological writing, he writes immediately, passionately. Openly. Although I'm still learning, I still feel that I could add more of these traits to my writing.
Manning's story is convoluted, complicated, and generally not "happy". He talks about his times of passionately following God and his times seeking comfort at the bottom of a bottle, including how that destroyed his life time after time. He talks about high points of his life and low points of his life. At the end of the book, after his chronic alcoholism destroys almost everything else in his life and starts to ravage his body, he talks about how his life seems pretty plain - he's now divorced, his speaking career is practically over, and he can't travel any more as the disease seeps into his brain. Yet, he ends with a poem emphasizing his title statement: life may be rough and we might be a disaster but in the end, all is grace.
During his narrative, he quotes a verse that threw all my thoughts into sharp contrast. "Christ is all, in Him is everything." (Colossians 3:11, version unknown) Alcoholism, confusion, dismal outlooks on uncertain futures, and doubt-filled decisions - none of it matters in the long run. Christ is all and "all is grace". All is grace - all has been covered by the death of the only One who could fix me and Brennan and anyone who chooses to accept such a repair.
In that light, all my mutterings and putterings went from nearly all-consuming to calm and placid. While I have responsibility for my decisions and actions, truly all is grace and doing my best to follow God one step at a time is the most important. My position twenty steps down the road isn't what matters, just the next one.
In this truth, I live. Knowing that I'm loved for who I'm made to be, not who I (and the surrounding world) tend to degrade me to. Knowing that all is grace, all is justified (a fancy word meaning "paid for"), and all works for good.
He is everything. Nothing else really matters. How freeing is that?
- Philip Yancey, foreword to All Is Grace
"And I don't know if I can do it"
- R.E.M., Losing My Religion
I admit that the blog has been quiet and I've gotten out of practice of writing. The past week has been a week off of work, intended to clear the to-do list and recover a sense of perspective. Thus far, I have rather succeeded at this purpose - so here's writing!
Thursday started with a strange mélange of music in my head. Megadeth's A Tout Le Monde, Within Temptation's Utopia, and R.E.M.'s Losing My Religion would seem to have nothing in common. However, I started illustrating my mental state using lyrics drawn from each:
My life passed before my eyes
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied
Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living all are scarred
I found out how little I accomplished
All my plans denied
Moving on is a simple thing
What it leaves behind is hard
You know the sleeping feel no more pain
And the living all are scarred
Help us we're drowning
So closed up inside
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia?
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia?
And when the lights die down, telling us who we are?"
I'm searching for answers
not given for free
They're hidden inside, is there life within me?
You're holding my hand but you don't understand
So I'm taking the road all alone in the end
So closed up inside
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia?
Why does it have to kill the ideal of who we are?
Why does it rain, rain, rain down on Utopia?
And when the lights die down, telling us who we are?"
I'm searching for answers
not given for free
They're hidden inside, is there life within me?
You're holding my hand but you don't understand
So I'm taking the road all alone in the end
Every whisper
Of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try
That was just a dream
Just a dream
Of every waking hour
I'm choosing my confessions
Trying to keep an eye on you
I thought that I heard you laughing
I thought that I heard you sing
I think I thought I saw you try
But that was just a dream
Try, cry, why try
That was just a dream
Just a dream
I was in a rather odd place. Equal parts dismal, content, and hopeless. Borrowing from Within Temptation, why does everything perfect have to sour? Why does all the "try, cry, fly" end as a dream? And why do our lives seem to accomplish little?
I didn't have any answers to any of these questions.
For Easter, I received a copy of Brennan Manning's memoirs, "All Is Grace". Although the book has taken a couple car trips where I meant to read it, I'd never actually cracked it open. Since reading is an activity I don't often get to partake in and the week has been a time for "catching up on things I'm usually too busy for", Thursday spontaneously seemed like a good day to read about Mr. Manning.
Manning's writing style intrigues me. In his memoirs even more than in his theological writing, he writes immediately, passionately. Openly. Although I'm still learning, I still feel that I could add more of these traits to my writing.
Manning's story is convoluted, complicated, and generally not "happy". He talks about his times of passionately following God and his times seeking comfort at the bottom of a bottle, including how that destroyed his life time after time. He talks about high points of his life and low points of his life. At the end of the book, after his chronic alcoholism destroys almost everything else in his life and starts to ravage his body, he talks about how his life seems pretty plain - he's now divorced, his speaking career is practically over, and he can't travel any more as the disease seeps into his brain. Yet, he ends with a poem emphasizing his title statement: life may be rough and we might be a disaster but in the end, all is grace.
During his narrative, he quotes a verse that threw all my thoughts into sharp contrast. "Christ is all, in Him is everything." (Colossians 3:11, version unknown) Alcoholism, confusion, dismal outlooks on uncertain futures, and doubt-filled decisions - none of it matters in the long run. Christ is all and "all is grace". All is grace - all has been covered by the death of the only One who could fix me and Brennan and anyone who chooses to accept such a repair.
In that light, all my mutterings and putterings went from nearly all-consuming to calm and placid. While I have responsibility for my decisions and actions, truly all is grace and doing my best to follow God one step at a time is the most important. My position twenty steps down the road isn't what matters, just the next one.
In this truth, I live. Knowing that I'm loved for who I'm made to be, not who I (and the surrounding world) tend to degrade me to. Knowing that all is grace, all is justified (a fancy word meaning "paid for"), and all works for good.
He is everything. Nothing else really matters. How freeing is that?
Labels: life
posted by The student of life at 10:02 PM
2 Comments:
An extremely interesting conclusion to a meditation on ones path. It seems that at heart you knew what you needed, just not precisely the verbiage or exact sentiment that would lift you out of your haze and into the light. Aha moment. I Cherish those. I do not know what it is that had you feeling despair or regret, or perhaps just general malaise, but you've found a way to own it. And through that, to fix it and/ or let it go. Or perhaps see it in a new light. Perspective is a wondrous thing. This is quite inspiring. :)
Amber, I'm glad you liked it. Maybe I knew subconsciously what I needed, but I don't know. "Pick up a random book" is not my usual abatement action" but it worked out this time. I'd give some credit, honestly, to God for a little nudge. But all in all, it ended up well and that's what counts to me today.
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