Rock Step

You're stretching out your arms
To something that's just not there
- "If You Could Only See", Tonic

The wind blows sporadically tonight, rippling through my T-shirt as I take my evening run. The weather feels like it's threatening to rain again, to shower like it did earlier tonight, but it can't seem to decide.

My thoughts mirror the weather outside again tonight: rolling and unsettled. Out of nowhere, the nice linear laminar flow becomes turbulent, kicking up debris and obscuring everything.

My run (OK, run/walk) doesn't seem to help, though it stretches from the planned 2 miles to 2.5, then 3 even. One contributing factor there is probably tonight's choice of music - Trans-Siberian Orchestra, but one of the more mentally unsettling (to me) albums, "Night Castle". Great album, but not calming.

My earlier dinner/beer/visit with a good church friend didn't help. He asked if I was content with my life and I honestly answered yes. God is so good and I love the journey I'm on. I understand that I'm not at the end and that I'm making progress daily, and that's fine.

Working out more won't help, as I'm still burnt from yesterday's workout (yay bouldering) and I need a day of rest. Mind says maybe a few pull-ups and push-ups won't hurt, but Body just looks at the bar and rolls its eyes. No workout tonight so that I don't do bad things to myself.

Guitar often helps me work out my stuff. However, I'm fully aware that this particular "perishable skill" is quite a ways past its expiration date so any practice will be rife with frustration at my ineptitude, rather than containing catharsis created by the happy sounds. Secondly, it's late at night and I don't have a silent practice setup yet. The folks upstairs just love screaming electric guitar late at night, too. God does say love your neighbors, so guitar is out tonight.

I find myself constructing statements in a similar idiom to the song quoted above. "If could only see , then maybe ." (Yeah, I just butchered lyrics and meter. Tonight, you get what you pay for.) But I don't even have a set of words to put in the embryonic mad lib. Do I want to complete it as "If God could see what I'm thinking because I can't see for myself..."? Oh, but He does see the entire trajectory of my life. I fully believe that. So what am I asking for? Don't know.

Maybe writing will help. Ah yeah, let's totally stay up ALL NIGHT and write! That's not a good idea - I still have one more solid day at work until the freedom of the weekend. Maybe just a little writing, then. But which of the three concurrent thought threads shall I write about? All of them! No, not all of them - see above time constraint. Turns out that sleep is valuable or something.

In swing dancing, the first style I ever learned used the jitterbug as the basic step. It goes "Step, Step, Rock-Step" over and over. After the basic rhythm is mastered, one can start to assemble different moves into sequence. The basic step, as well as most moves, is a 6-count, starting and ending off the rock step. The rock step is simply one foot placed behind, weight shift to that foot, then weight shift back. You "rock" backwards, hence the name.

Dancing got a lot easier once I internalized the basic truth that everything is rooted at the rock step. End up with a move that's a little short on beats? Shuffle a bit, then rock step! Get totally lost in your complicated envisioned sequence? That's OK, just straighten your follow out a bit and put in a good rock step. Don't know how to end a move? That's right, rock step! Want a spin to continue a bit longer? Then don't rock step. Lead her to stop, then rock step. "Rock Step" solves about 80% of dance problems. I even learned how to transition styles from 6-count East Coast Swing to 8-count Lindy Hop and back using the rock step. It's an amazing tool and very easy to use.

I guess I feel like my life needs a rock step. In this dance of life, I'm doing my best to have God as my lead. So far, He hasn't crushed my toes or really slammed me into anyone else, so I guess it's turning out OK. As I get better at following His lead, I'm led into harder and more complicated things. Everything always turns out all right, though, as church and Shift and other things provide a bit of a "rock step" to center me and provide a place to start the next week as I'm led into it.

Lately, I think I know how I've been led, but I'm kinda making it up as I go. I'm pretty sure I'm right where God wants me, but I'm not sure. I keep expecting the "pull straight", then the strongly-led rock step to reset me back to where I'm supposed to be. But it doesn't come yet.

At the end of the day, I believe God is who He says He is and that He'll do everything He's promised to do. He's promised to lead me through life and take care of me, so I take Him at His word. One day, one step at a time.

But...rock step now?