Bittersweet

Wednesday was a day of contrasts - sad and happy, dark and light. Dismality and hope. (it's a word if I define it as such.)

In February, we suddenly lost a well-liked engineer at work. Besides being one of the no-kidding honest-to-goodness industry leaders in his field, Dave was everyone's friend and always willing to share a joke, a laugh, or even just the story of his newest work challenge. I think he had minor surgery scheduled, but instead an illness took him with no warning. The group he worked in is very tight-knit, and the hole left by Dave's absence is occasionally evident in faces and conversations. We'll get by, but the world is a darker place without him.

I remarked to a friend that I was well used to wearing a suit and tie, sitting in a chapel to pay respects to the recently departed and offer meager condolences to the remaining family and friends. Instead, this week we sat in a park, enjoying cold beer and good food while swapping stories and sharing laughter.

I remember a couple years ago, Dave told me, "Here, I'm going to teach you all I know about [this technology area]. That way you can help all these folks and I won't have to answer all the questions." We worked together on some projects at the fine edge of the state of the art, and I learned a lot, but I didn't learn enough. I tried to be a sponge as much as possible, but there was no way that I could absorb his twenty-plus years of industry experience in the couple years we worked together.

Instead of a funeral, Dave's family decided to have a "celebration of life", which looked a lot like a picnic in the park. His family brought food, drinks, and some scrapbook pages of his life, while we (his friends) brought more food, more drinks, and many many "war stories". I found it a great testament to Dave's reputation over the years that associates from across the country flew in to pay their respects. There was much laughter as some of the better stories got passed around again and again, and many glasses were raised in his honor.

The occasion was at once somber and joyful and it was my honor to attend. Yet I wished I had paid better attention, asked more questions, and maybe even got that oft-mentioned opportunity to sit with Dave on his back porch and visit over beers (and probably prodigious clouds of smoke - Dave was never far from "burning one"). Instead, I won't get that opportunity. I'll have to learn my lessons by hard knocks and hear his treasured stories through others.

It was a deep solemn reminder that life is fleeting and that every day should be lived to the fullest and in a manner that honors God. I couldn't help but wonder - how many people would come to my wake if my life were over today? Would I be spoken of as highly as our now-departed engineer and friend? If not, why not, and how far am I from the center of God's will for my life every day?

Simultaneously, I had the chance to make the most of a diminishing opportunity. One of my friends is moving out of state this weekend. I'd neglected our casual friendship as of late merely due to the clutter of life. Her church (my old church) threw a goodbye barbecue party, but I was Appleseeding and couldn't make it. When I saw the Facebook announcement, I was excited to go right up until I realized which weekend it was and that I would miss it. Rather than allow our friendship to fade without remediation, I decided that I should do my due diligence and attempt to get together before she left.

Over a cup of coffee, it became evident that we had just over a year to catch up on. Yep, my side of the friendship reflects my occasional slacker nature. However, we quickly got mostly caught back up and I remembered just why I hang out with Jenn (because she's cool and has an honest and refreshing perspective on life that I appreciate). However, I was still left with a week to make up for a year without hanging out - a tall order.

I didn't get a "last" chance to hang out with Dave before he passed. We were both busy doing work then he was gone, leaving only scattered emails in my inbox. Conversely, keeping in mind Jenn's quip, "I'm moving not dying," I did get one chance to bring my friendship almost back to working order. While requiring some rearrangement to my schedule, it was completely worth it in order to demonstrate that I valued my friend.

Life is short and friendships are precious. An online signature I recently saw somewhere says "I only have so many heartbeats left. I am not wasting one more on anything that isn't fun." I only have so many days left and time/energy for so many friendships - life is too short to forget to hang out with people I value and who value me and too short to waste energy and time on those who don't. I'm glad my reminder was relatively mild. People are important and I need to constantly monitor my priorities to make sure my life reflects that.