Jeans Part 1

I wish that I would have written this entry 6 months ago. Maybe 9 months ago, I don't know. It's been rattling around in my head for quite sometime, but I just haven't written it. Today, although the thought is still true, it sounds less trusting and more hollow because I see the end.

Our story starts a couple years ago. I have a friend who works at what I would consider a reasonably affluent mall. She would good-naturedly tease me about my sense of fashion and I would rebuff her with “form follows function”. It's a good engineer thing to say, and my flannel shirts and thrift store jeans are perfectly serviceable. I'm naturally a pretty frugal-to-a-fault person, so the fact that I spent $20 every couple months to keep myself in clothes seemed great. Jenn disagreed, saying that I should actually dress the part of “reasonably successful young man.” Yeah, right.

Eventually, I did submit to going shopping with her. I set a budget and had to class up my shopping style while she “slummed it” a bit – I'm not the only one who believes in baby steps, you see. At the end of the day, I went home with a couple pairs of name-brand jeans that fit quite a bit more snugly than I was used to and some slacks that actually fit me for a change. Hey, “I don't want to grow out of these” still seemed like an appropriate philosophy when I was in college.

I wore my new jeans off and on for a while. It was actually a conscious decision,because I noticed quickly that even though they may supposedly look better on me, they were definitely less comfortable. However, if I put the effort into “dressing up” a bit, I noticed my attitude and bearing perked up correspondingly, which was odd. Over a few weeks, I relegated my “Arc jeans” to the back of the closet and wore my new jeans almost exclusively. I accepted that I looked better therein, and got used to the new fit. The slacks were similar – they fit better and I got used to the way they fit. Jenn was proud that I looked like I cared about my appearance and life was OK.

After several months, though, I noticed my preferences sliding back the other way. I'd pick up a pair of “new jeans”, consider, then put them down to grab something else. While they may have looked “fashionable” or whatever, they just weren't comfortable. A couple months ago, I was sorting through my closet and the “new jeans” went in the “probably take to Goodwill” pile. Have my dress habits changed at all? Probably. I wear a little less flannel and a few more button-downs and my pants waistline has dropped a bit from where it used to be, but I'm still in my $10/pair Arc/Savers/Goodwill jeans because they work out right for me.

It's not often I write a blog on fashion, so I'm sure you're wondering what pants have to do with anything. Application time now.

Once upon a time, my spiritual walk had stagnated as I was without a church. I got into the Vineyard and seemed to take root there. God did great work in my heart and I met people who had a very different outlook on God and life. As I got deeper into small groups and ministries, I met people who came at life from a totally different direction. For a while I was like “sure, I can fit in with this. Changing away from what I've known will be a good experience.” After a while, though, I seemed to be surrounded by people whose life goal would be to live in the inner city, listen to Sufjan Stevens, Sigur Ros, and all kinds of bands I've never heard of, and work part-time at Starbucks while they explored the idea of a Jesus-loving commune or something. I exaggerate slightly for comedic effect, for which I beg pardon.

After a while, it just didn't fit. I could slip my legs into the jeans of the hipster-ish church, but I just couldn't fit anything into the pockets and the button was just a bit too tight. I realized that I would much rather own my own home, live and work in the suburbs, listen to metal at work (don't judge – many hours have been spent with the likes of Pantera and In Flames), and go shooting on weekends in my spare time. Does that make my preferences better than “theirs”? No. Does it make my preferences un-Jesus-like? Boy, I can't see how. Nevertheless, I felt judged and slowly emotionally withdrew and eventually left for a church where I've found life again.

I don't want to discard the Vineyard or a certain lifestyle as valueless, because it isn't. I learned a lot and grew a lot. I learned many things and had many good life experiences. Just like my clothing preferences, there are some things that I've kept from the Vineyard. I probably quote Pastor Jay on an average of once per week, have learned the value of small groups, and do miss Vineyard worship music. (My new church has a strong preference for Hillsong, which is almost as good) However, I've found my general groove in life. It's different than many of the people I used to be in close contact with and I'm comfortable and happy.

If I would have written this when I should have, I could have stopped here with “and thus endeth the lesson”. My life was blessed by God and I felt content that I was in the center of His plan. Coincidentally, this is about the right length for a blog entry...so stay tuned for part 2.